Can I really do this?...

Ok, so for all you mom's out there with more than one child... you are probably shaking your head or silently laughing... but that's Ok! Bear with me here...
Today is the first day since we've been home from the hospital that I've had the girls by myself... Surprisingly I didn't have too much anxiety this morning. Maybe that was because we scheduled a play date here and I had a lot of distraction.
Grace woke up on the wrong side of the bed... my first worry coming true... she threw a tantrum for about 30-40 minutes. I simply got back in my bed and ignored her. Oddly enough as soon as Harper started making noise and whimpering a little, Grace immediately stopped the fit and said "Oh, I need go make her feel better!" Simple as that, the fit was over... she got in bed with me, ate breakfast and watched her morning show. So it wasn't as bad as I'd envisioned.

The play date was fabulous, both for my well being and for Grace's. She even shared her new trampoline like a champ! Good friends, good times, what more can you ask for! Before everyone even got down the front steps, she was on her way upstairs and told me that she was ready to go night-night. That easy.

Harper was her typical laid back self, only crying when she was hungry... Granted, she is still in the newborn, sleep all the time stage... but I like to tell myself that this is her temperament and she'll be an easy baby. (Hopefully the Lord will find favor with me and this will indeed be true!)

Now on the Harper front, we go to the Cardiologist tomorrow morning at 10:30 and the Pediatrician at 1:10. I am really glad we finally have the appointment because I do have some questions for them both. She has several 'spells' during the day where I'll notice the area around her mouth turning grayish-blue... I quickly pick her up, or change her position, pat her back and she comes around pretty quickly. She is still breathing, so I am not sure what is causing her to turn blue... but it's kind of unnerving. Also, coordinating the suck, breathe, swallow thing is still a little challenging for her. She does forget to breathe when she is eating, so again, I just pick her up and pat her back and she comes around. Throughout the night, she makes a sound like she is gasping for air, and I can't figure out what that is... but I usually just jiggle her or pick her up and she gets over it. I don't know if it is just a noise that she's making, or if she is really having trouble breathing. The spitting up is getting significantly better. She still spits up at almost every feeding, but I don't think that it is an amount enough to worry about. The only thing that is annoying is that there is no pattern to it. She could start spitting up right after she eats, or it could be an hour or more after the feeding. At night, I've woken up to her choking a couple times...and it can be a good hour after she'd eaten... Can't figure this out either...

She's sleeping well for a newborn, I just have trouble sleeping soundly with all the noises she is making, especially the gasping. I've just found myself praying each time I put her back down in the night "Lord, I can't keep her alive apart from you anyways, so please watch over her now." I do sleep, but with any newborn, it's hard being woken up in the deepest part of your sleep over and over and over again... I am less tired this time than I remember being with Grace, so I guess that is a blessing.

Today I don't feel overwhelmed like I thought I would, probably due to the fact that we had friends over; but I do think that the Lord is answering my prayers and taking away any fear that I may have.

I will update tomorrow when we get back from the doctor's appointments. I am sure all will be well, but it will be good to get some of my questions answered.