paralyzed

Have you ever been paralyzed with fear? I mean, really overtaken by it? Yesterday, a few (thousand) times, I felt like I was either drowning or being strangled by fear. My body physically hurt, it was hard for me to breathe. It felt as if every muscle fiber in my body was so tight that I was sure that I was going to pull something simply by blinking an eye. I was trying my best to take my mind off of things, to pray 'continuously' but I couldn't shake it. I drove (through tornado-like winds) to pick up Grace from school. We had to stay a few minutes in their 'safe room' because of the tornado warnings, but by the time we made it home, the sun was peaking though the clouds.

I was trying not to let on that I was about to burst inside with all the anxiety I was feeling. I felt helpless. I took the girls upstairs, put them in my bed, turned on the Elmo Potty Show and just collapsed on the floor. Luckily Elmo is so riveting and our bed is so high that Grace didn't notice. I pulled out the nearest Bible and opened it; 2 Samuel 22 was what it fell upon. I skimmed over it and came across words like: waves of death, consuming fire and cords of the grave, and quickly decided this wasn't the passage I needed to read right now. I grabbed a chunk of pages, flipped them over and found myself at Psalm 18.

Guess what? They are the SAME PASSAGE. I don't know how many chapters are repeated in the Bible (maybe I should look it up) but probably not that many. Obviously God had something for me in these words. Still overcome with fear, and not really wanting to look at the scary words I mentioned above, I read it from start to finish several times.

The first thing that really stood out to me was this verse: (Ps. 18:16 and 2 Sam. 22:18) "He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me."

Duh.... Satan is too strong for me... he is more powerful that I am! He is tormenting me today, playing on one of my greatest fears. Satan was winning, he was strangling me and pressing me in on every side, and I was physically feeling it. I don't realize that the devil is that REAL sometimes. So the first thing I had to understand was that these feelings were NOT from God and were directly from the enemy.

Secondly, David cried out to the LORD. He couldn't save himself. If we could save ourselves from the Devil, what would be the point of God? Why would we need him if we, on our own, were strong enough to deal with Satan's attacks? (Ps. 18:3-6 and 2 Sam. 22:4-7) "I call to the Lord...and I am saved from my enemies." {Here come the scary words:} "The waves of death swirled around me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the Lord; I called out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; for my cry came to his ears."

And God showed up: the next 13 or so verses are filled with heroic imagery. God is moving heaven and hell to come to David's rescue, because he called.

Lastly, God gave David the tools he needed to defeat his enemy. (Ps. 18:37-40 and 2 Sam. 22: 38-41) "I pursued my enemies and crushed them...You armed me with strength for battle...You made my enemies turn their backs in flight..." In David's time, he was fighting actual wars and battles, but if we could see the invisible battles the Devil is waging against us, it probably wouldn't look much different.

I think yesterday, God revealed to me one of my most prominent fears and the fact that Satan knows it too. The fear has crept back in even today, but I have been able to recognize it as attacks from the Devil and have been able to pray against it. I know this fear will not just go away, so one of the reasons I am writing this is because I want to remember. I want to remember how God delivered me, but also how Satan attacked. I often think that these feelings are God 'trying to tell me something' or 'prepare me for what is about to happen...' but I also know that "Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light." (2 Corinthians 11:14) Satan is clever...he can weasel his way in without us even realizing it. He knows exactly how to play on our weakness, I think I often underestimate what he can do. Thankfully, God is on my side and that means that I will always win...

James 4: 7 "Resist the devil and he will flee from you."