Thoughts on Motherhood...

G.K.Chesterton:

"How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute" (What's Wrong with the World)


























































Do you remember The Many Faces of Graces....? Well, Harper has a few of her own!!!

Failure is a 4-letter word.

I am afraid to fail. I have been thinking about this a lot lately...even back to my high school days. I had terrible knee problems that prevented me from really playing basketball, but inside, I was secretly glad because I didn't have to miss a shot or get the ball stolen from me in front of hundreds of people.

I did enjoy cross country, but that was more of an individual sport and, sure, you could get a slower time than last week, or someone could sprint past you at the very end, but it wasn't so glaringly obvious that you failed at your task. There were kids who would finish a 3 mile race in over an hour and people were cheering them through the gates because they simply finished.

Even into adulthood, I was absolutely paralyzed with fear when I found out I was pregnant because I was afraid I would fail as a mother...

I have been thinking about selling my clothes on etsy lately, but I just can't get over that hump to actually try it because I am afraid that no one will buy them, and if they actually buy them, I am afraid that they will not like them. I am scared that I won't have pictures that will draw customers in, I am scared I won't have time to devote to running a crafty blog so that I may direct people to my etsy site, the list goes on and on... Bottom line: I am afraid of FAILURE.

I remember the feeling I had before presenting my clothes to the owner of Over the Moon. I sat in the parking lot across the street for at least 30 minutes, praying that I would have the courage to overcome my fear of failure and walk through the front door. Even just walking over the threshold, brought a feeling of bliss because I knew that no matter what the outcome, I had done something that the Lord was placing on my heart to do.

So now I sit with a somewhat clouded head. I can't figure out what the Lord is putting on my heart to do at this moment. But when I figure it out, I don't want to allow fear to dictate my actions. Sometimes we just need to take a step of faith, and know that it's not what the world thinks of us, but how the Lord sees us that is important. Jesus is not guaranteeing that I will succeed in my efforts as a (very, very amateur) clothing designer. Even if it is HIM that is telling me to go for it, that is not necessarily a shoe in for a favorable outcome...but that's OK.

I am praying that the Lord would give me the confidence in Him... that even if all my efforts fail, what matters is not how I look in the world's eyes, but ultimately that I am walking in the Lord's will, and even if I fail by the world's standard, that's OK.

This picture really had nothing to do with the post, I just think it is hilarious, and it makes me smile... so here ya go. I think this was sometime last year. I think this is their super-hero face.

Weekend Project

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Isn't the black lovely???

Word to the wise... Painting shutters is a real pain in the you know what... But a little tiny foam brush made it so much quicker and easier. I just love how much more clean and fresh the black makes our house look. Now for some flowers and a little more mulch and wa-laaa....!

Ahhhh, starting and finishing a project is like balm to my soul. I love it.

What a difference a day makes....

Saturday and Sunday were so refreshing, compared to Friday. Thankfully! Here are some pictures from Easter weekend.

All the gals on Mom's side.

And another wardrobe change... this dance outfit was in her Easter basket

Laurelbrooke Easter egg hunt.

Playing on the bridge

Sister love

Done. and Done.

Today when Chris walked out the door to go to work... (yes, on Good Friday...) I burst into tears. I am done. Don't know exactly what has happened this week to completely undo me, but I just feel like I can't do it today. I am tired. I think weary is a better word... and there is no specific reason. That is frustrating, in and of itself, don't you think??? Nothing particularly bad has happened, but I still can't do it??? I. hate. that. Harper went to bed late, and was up at 6:45am screaming her head off. So, I did what every good mother would do... I left her, and didn't check on her and just let her cry, or rather, SCREAM.

Meanwhile, I am silently envying Chris who is leisurely taking a shower, picking out 'real clothes' (if you are a mom, you know what I mean by that...) brushing his teeth and preparing for a day of golf.... (oh, I mean, work....) all the while ignoring the screaming... because, after all, what can he do? He is about to walk out the door and if he tends to her, he's just going to pass her off to me when he leaves.....2 minutes later.

So, really, what else can I do... ???? Nothing... so I cried. I don't cry often, but today I cried, the ugly kind. My house is a wreck...it looks like a bomb went off, smells like dirty diapers and unfinished projects are everywhere... Do you know how annoying that is?

Some days I just want to move. Move to a new house, that includes all new furniture, an organizational system that is foolproof, even for a one year old, a maid....and a nanny, of course.

So, here's what I read from Streams in the Desert (and because I have no recollection of what the MLA says about titles of books, plus I don't know how to underline on Blogger, I am just going to put it in italics....)
"The very instant you wholeheartedly turn away from every symptom of discouragement and lack of trust, the blessed Holy Spirit will reawaken your faith and breathe God's divine strength into your soul. Initially you may be unaware that this is happening, but as you determine to uncompromisingly shun every attack of even the tendency toward doubt and depression, you will quickly see the powers of darkness being turned back.
Oh, if only our eyes could see the mighty armies of strength and power that are always behind our turning away from the hosts of darkness toward God, there would be no attention given to the efforts of our cunning Foe to distress, depress, or discourage us!"

Pretty perfect for today. It doesn't mean that I am past the point of tears at any moment...but it does give me some hope.

So, please excuse me if you see me making this face at any point today. Thanks.