Monday, April 19, 2010
Failure is a 4-letter word.
I am afraid to fail. I have been thinking about this a lot lately...even back to my high school days. I had terrible knee problems that prevented me from really playing basketball, but inside, I was secretly glad because I didn't have to miss a shot or get the ball stolen from me in front of hundreds of people.
I did enjoy cross country, but that was more of an individual sport and, sure, you could get a slower time than last week, or someone could sprint past you at the very end, but it wasn't so glaringly obvious that you failed at your task. There were kids who would finish a 3 mile race in over an hour and people were cheering them through the gates because they simply finished.
Even into adulthood, I was absolutely paralyzed with fear when I found out I was pregnant because I was afraid I would fail as a mother...
I have been thinking about selling my clothes on etsy lately, but I just can't get over that hump to actually try it because I am afraid that no one will buy them, and if they actually buy them, I am afraid that they will not like them. I am scared that I won't have pictures that will draw customers in, I am scared I won't have time to devote to running a crafty blog so that I may direct people to my etsy site, the list goes on and on... Bottom line: I am afraid of FAILURE.
I remember the feeling I had before presenting my clothes to the owner of Over the Moon. I sat in the parking lot across the street for at least 30 minutes, praying that I would have the courage to overcome my fear of failure and walk through the front door. Even just walking over the threshold, brought a feeling of bliss because I knew that no matter what the outcome, I had done something that the Lord was placing on my heart to do.
So now I sit with a somewhat clouded head. I can't figure out what the Lord is putting on my heart to do at this moment. But when I figure it out, I don't want to allow fear to dictate my actions. Sometimes we just need to take a step of faith, and know that it's not what the world thinks of us, but how the Lord sees us that is important. Jesus is not guaranteeing that I will succeed in my efforts as a (very, very amateur) clothing designer. Even if it is HIM that is telling me to go for it, that is not necessarily a shoe in for a favorable outcome...but that's OK.
I am praying that the Lord would give me the confidence in Him... that even if all my efforts fail, what matters is not how I look in the world's eyes, but ultimately that I am walking in the Lord's will, and even if I fail by the world's standard, that's OK.
This picture really had nothing to do with the post, I just think it is hilarious, and it makes me smile... so here ya go. I think this was sometime last year. I think this is their super-hero face.