Friday, March 5, 2010

Another 'First'

As kids get older, I guess their 'firsts' change a little bit. Today Grace had a 'first' that really tugged at my heart. It is the kind of first that all parents dread. She got her feelings devastatingly hurt by a little friend.
We were at the zoo playing with several kids and I was engrossed in conversation with a friend of my own. Anyways, Grace comes over to me with a dejected look on her face. I proceeded to ask her what was wrong and her lip started quivering and she burst into tears. Heaving kind of tears, the kind that make it almost impossible to talk, 'ugly cry' tears. After a few tries she finally got the message across that "{friend} (sob) said (sob) that he (sob) didn't (heave) want me (sob) to help him (sob, sob, sob)..."

This is the first time I have ever seen her react this way. Now, I know that said friend wasn't trying to be malicious or even mean, therefore I was very calm in my response to the situation. "Grace, {friend} likes you and wants to play with you, he just didn't need your help with that's Ok honey..." Then her friend came up to apologize, hug and just like that, it was over... they were playing and running and tackling each other....But it still doesn't change the fact that she was hurt. Her heart was hurt. And that hurt me.

Now, let me just interject here... If someone was actually mean or malicious or hateful to her, I am almost positive that my inhibitions would have gone out the window and that child would have gotten an earful and possibly a foot in the 'ole can... if you know what I mean... The mama bear would come out and that child would probably never be the same.... But, that wasn't the case, thankfully.... (Maybe I need to pray about my response in the future... ??? Or, maybe the bully just needs his/her colon re-adjusted... I don't know...)

Anyways, back to the point... It is a little daunting to know that we'll have to let her go... Let her go to Kindergarten, most likely at a big public school, with kids years older than her attending the same school... Let her go.... to sports practice where inevitably she will miss a goal, or make a mistake in front of people....Let her go {maybe in the DISTANT future} get on a bus that will take her to school... Let her fail, let her make mistakes, let her LEARN and grow....

Ok, I have to stop, because I am fighting the urge to search the internet for a giant bubble in which to insert her so she will not have to feel any of the adversity, injustice and cruelty of the world.
I am reminded of Nov. 08 when we were told that there was something wrong with Harper's heart, but they weren't sure exactly what it was or how it would play out after birth. I remember feeling so much trust and faith in God... but also remember thinking how much easier it was to just purely TRUST...because I couldn't do anything else. I couldn't reach in there and fix it myself. I had no choice but to trust. Why do I feel like I have more control over them when they are out of the womb???

The truth of the matter is that they are still God's... they are still completely loved and protected by Him... I am trying to let that balm cover over my fear.

Look at this little face... Wouldn't you want to maim any kid that hurt her too?

1 comment:

Katie said...

Good word mama bear. Now lets promise to reread it over and over to each other on their first day of school!