Friday, December 5, 2008


This morning my countenance is very different than it was yesterday. I can't even explain all that was going through my head throughout the day. I can't tell you how much your emails and comments mean to me. So many of you said that you would be praying for peace. That is exactly how I feel today: Peaceful and Thankful. Thank you for understanding and accepting my honesty. I have to admit that as soon as I pushed the 'publish post' button yesterday, I kind of wished I hadn't. I was truly embarrassed at how I was feeling, and felt really insecure about how people would react to it! But thank you for loving me anyways!

I am still having a hard time understanding what is going on, but I am confident that God has shown himself strong! He showed up in our time of need! In writing about how I was feeling last night, really wrestling with the conflicting feelings that I was having... I just felt loved. Although I was completely alone, I felt Jesus surrounding me saying "It's OK to feel these things, I love you anyways."

I found out last night that there is a 5 and 6 year old class at church who specifically prayed for the baby and our family on Sunday. I was so touched. A sweet lady from my bible study is the teacher and was telling me how sweet, innocent, and totally faith-filled their prayers were. They totally believed that God was hearing what they were saying and that he would answer their prayers. Child-like faith, it is so sweet and I long to have it!

I cried last night, it's the first time I've cried since we found out something was not quite right... I'm not sure why, I was thankful, touched by all of you (and your children's) prayers for us, maybe a little scared and a lot overwhelmed.

If I may add one more prayer request to your if you don't have enough! Pray for Grace... she is doing well, but I think that it is starting to get to her that I can't pick her up and hold her, and do things with her (outside of the house). She is having so much fun, getting one on one attention from someone all the time, but she's a little sad that I can't do the things she is used to. She is also 2 and trying to exert her independence, so we've been hearing a lot of "NO" and seeing more tantrums, but that's normal I guess. It's just hard for me to see because sometimes I feel like it's my fault.... she is just a little confused at all that is going on.

Thank you so much! We don't have any more appointments until next Thursday, so we won't know much more until then, so I'll probably just update when the mood strikes!

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