Christmas picts coming soon...

Christmas picts are coming soon, but we haven't finished all our Christmas festivities yet... so you'll have to wait.
Baby Harper is still inside...I wanted her to stay in past Christmas, but now...I'm ready... I am having contractions that are painful, still all throughout the day and night... and it is so annoying. I am ready for this to be over... If I wasn't in pain, I don't think I would care as much... but I am done with this... So please pray that she will come SOON! Not only because I want to be out of this pain... but also because we really want her to come in 2008, because of all the hospital bills we have already incurred... if she comes Jan 1 or later... we'll have to start all over with another deductible! Yuck!... Maybe she'll come today! .... This is what I've thought for the past several days, so I am not getting my hopes up... but we'll see. I am having a hard time being patient for sure!

Grace is doing well, and loving all the attention she is getting right now. It seems that she is ready for her baby sister to come too... (as ready as a 2.5 year old can be...) She loved Christmas this year, opening everyone's presents! I could have wrapped up toilet paper and toothpaste and she would have loved opening it!

Hopefully we'll have a Harper update very soon~ !

"Or-ma-ments"

In all my bed-restedness, Grace and I have been able to do some fun things together. We've made tons and tons of ornaments... "Or-ma-ments" as Grace calls them! Here's a sampling of our work!

I also made some little birdie and nest garland... I'm not sure where I'll put it yet, but it turned out cute... Here are some pictures..... All the birds are different fabrics. I think the nests are my favorite! I guess the whole thing is around 10-12 feet long...


In other news... I am feeling about the same....Still contracting and feeling pressure... but I am refusing to go back to the hospital until I am about to die of pain...or until they send me directly from the dr's office. Today was the first time that Grace and I have had the whole day together, just the two of us...We watched Mickey Mouse Christmas in bed this morning, went to the gym, to the store for Grace to pick out a present for her buddy and new pacis for Harper... We ate lunch together at home and then she went down or nap... She didn't have a breakdown all day, was so happy and in such a good mood. It was so nice just to do 'normal' things again. I think it's good for her to see me doing things that I used to do every day, even as simple as laundry, picking up around the house etc. Tonight Chris told her that he would take her to the mall to do some Christmas shopping and she's been talking about it all day. So I guess the one good thing about Harper staying in a little longer is that we can have some good time with Grace before she comes!

3 hours in the hospital...

Well, I am not going to get into the whole story because I may break the computer... but I was having painful contractions last night for a couple of hours, so Chris and I went into triage. When we walked into the hospital, it was completely packed... People everywhere... I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes, but was dehydrated... they gave me 2 bags of IV fluid and that helped the pain a little bit, but didn't stop the contractions... My doctor wasn't on call, and is currently on Maternity leave.. so I had to see another doc that was a complete idiot. While I was there, I dilated more, so it was obvious that something was going on... But guess what? They sent me home! Here was the doctor's comment: "Yes, I think that you are in labor, maybe the early stages, so we don't know how long this will take, so why don't you go home and come back when you can't breathe through your contractions..."

Ok, so when I cease to breathe... I'll come back in...sure...makes sense... I was so mad... still am! So pray that things will get going fast! I guess it could be today or in another week.. no one really knows. A friend of a friend who is a doula said after hearing all my 'symptoms' that probably the only reason they sent me home was because they didn't have any rooms left! I would believe it too, it was packed out last night! If I am not feeling good later in the day, I may go into the doctor's office just so that they can check my cervix before the weekend.... But the last thing I want to hear is... No Change... so maybe I'll wait....

Pray for labor! This is horrible... Contractions for the last 5 weeks and now they actually hurt! NOT FUN!

No new news here!

Well, no new news here folks... I did go to the OB on Tuesday, and everything was pretty much the same. I wasn't feeling the baby move as much as is normal, so they hooked me up to the non-stress test machine... It took almost 2 hours for them to see all the necessary heart rhythms that they want to see in a 20 minute period... and the whole time I was having regular contractions. But neither seemed to be too concerning because they let me go home. They kept asking me if the contractions hurt, and my response: "Not really, but I am telling you that they didn't hurt when I had Grace until like 30 minutes before she came out." I am not sure if they think I am lying about my contractions with Grace, but they can look back in the file, people!

My concern now is when do I go in? I have been having regular contractions literally for about a month. No kidding. Only a few out of the thousands I have had actually hurt... but this poses a problem... how do I know when to go to the hospital? My suspicion is that if I just picked a day and went into triage, they would see that I was having regular contractions, and I was dilated... maybe they would keep me...???? I am still debating this idea. I just don't want to be sent home!!!

I have had a lovely last few days. I haven't been confined to the house, I've gotten to cook a meal or two and I've cleaned the house... (well, sort of...) All these things make me feel like me again! I've shopped and gotten Grace a few special things, and have actually gotten to hold her a couple of times. That really does me good....

We did have a tragedy yesterday. "Gracie LeeLee" (which is the only lovie that really mattered to her) was lost. We were at Oprymills shopping, and we lost it in Sun, Ski Sports (or whatever that store is called). I cried more than Grace did. This is a small request, but I am still praying that they find it somewhere under the thousands of racks of coats and call us! She got to pick out a new "Gracie LeeLee" yesterday, but it's not the same. I couldn't sleep last night, and was up in the rec room. I heard Grace on the monitor talking in her sleep: "I don't want new Gracie LeeLee, I want other one..." "I don't want thaaaaat." This conversation went on for a few minutes, but it was so sad. She is really trying to be brave about it when she is awake... but the poor kid is stressing in her sleep about it. Chris said that she ran into her classroom today to show her teacher her new LeeLee... and told her that the other was 'hiding.' Chris said he actually got teary when I told him that the original LeeLee was lost....This would be a Christmas Miracle if they were to call us and tell us they found it. I know it's silly, but I hope they do!

So, besides the LeeLee thing, here are a few prayer requests: That I would know when to go to the hospital, and that I would have peace about the birth...whenever that may be! Thank you so much!

Oh, and here is another funny Grace quote. The other night I asked her to come up to the rec room where Chris and I were... she responded: "But I caaaannn't.... I WAAAYYY too busy learning my name!" (while drawing on her art table in the kitchen)

Ultrasound update Dec 11

We went for our last ultrasound with MFM yesterday and it went well. I was very apprehensive after last week's visit, and wanted them to review all my films and get the opinion of the doctor who had first diagnosed the problem. I toyed with the idea of calling to ask that all these things be done, but I just prayed about it.

When we got there, we had a tech that we had never seen before, who was very nice. We voiced our concerns to her and after she had gotten the necessary measurements and things that she needed, she asked the doctor to come in and scan the heart herself, as well as talk us through what they saw.

Yesterday the doctor saw that there was still some fluid around the heart, but called it physiologic vs. pathalogic... and measured the actual heart size again, and it was measuring only around 25% of the chest size, which is normal. Harper was being a little stubborn because she had her hand and arm over her heart most of the time, so they could never get a picture of the whole thing, but they saw enough to think that everything looked normal. (Again, the fluid isn't normal, but they don't think it's anything to worry about at this point.)

Baby is measuring around 6 pounds, give or take some... which I am a little baffled by, as I have only gained 8 total. (Lost 4 when I was in the hospital.) The OB doesn't seem to be concerned about the weight gain because the baby looks good. So we'll see. I am praying that she comes soon if she is already weighing that much. I don't really want a 10 pounder!

Doctor G said that if we wanted her to, she would refer us to a Pediatric Cardiologist at Vanderbilt who could take another look before the baby was born and give us his thoughts. I declined only because, at this point everyone is speculating anyways, and ultrasound can't be conclusive... therefore I didn't want another opinion to worry about. Everyone could agree on one thing based on the sonogram, and when the baby is actually born, it could be totally different... so I think we'll just trust and wait.

They tried to examine her feet again, but because it's so late in pregnancy and the baby is squished anyways, there is no way for them to tell if she will have clubbed feet like Grace did. Since her feet looked normal at the 20 week ultrasound, they said that was a good sign that she won't have a problem, and if one is present, it will be slight. (but again, who really knows)

The OB seems to think that when I actually go into labor again that it will be very fast... she has said several times that she hopes I can make it to the hospital driving all the way from Franklin... (that really makes ya feel good...doesn't it?). She still wants me to take it easy, no heavy lifting, and doesn't really feel comfortable about me being alone with Grace. This is kind of hard for me. I totally understand that if I did go into labor or my water broke, and it was just she and I... what would I do... not to mention, not being able to lift her; but there's something about not being able to take care of your own child that is a little discouraging... I am just trying to hang in there and I know it won't be long anyways...

Today Grace had a rough morning, and really wanted me to hold her and meet all her needs... and some of those things I can't do. It breaks my heart when she is crying huge alligator tears saying 'mommy hold you, mommy hold you..." and I can't.... She doesn't totally get it. Again, I need to remind myself... and as my mom says... "She won't remember this when she's married..."

Since we had snow yesterday and people in Nashville can't seem to comprehend driving when there are 2 white flakes falling from the sky... we didn't get home until around 8:45pm... so I haven't really had time to think about all this. I am really content and thankful and peaceful right now, so that is the LORD! Still nervous about the actual delivery... but who isn't I guess.

Oh, and can I add that I was able to go walk around the Goodwill yesterday after my appointment and it was like food for a weary soul.... Oh my goodness, I loved it and I felt a little like myself again. Most people think I am a little off my rocker (and I very well may be...) but I love The Goodwill... or any thrift store for that matter... and I love going alone and searching every aisle and finding every good deal in the place...! It's cheap therapy...

And I have one more funny from Grace: She picked up a new phrase at school yesterday.... It's a little above her age category in my opinion... I remember being obsessed with this word when I was probably in second grade, but she's got it down pat... and uses it in correct context might I add... Here's the word: "NOOOOOOOTTTTT" as in "I'm tired......NOOOTTTTT" "You're cute..... NOOOOOTTTTT" "I silly........NOOOOTTTTTT" and in the middle of the word, she drops her voice an octave or so and adds some 'gravelin' in there... it is hilarious... Now, don't you agree that this is a little advanced for a 2 year old? Apparently not these days...

Thankful

This morning my countenance is very different than it was yesterday. I can't even explain all that was going through my head throughout the day. I can't tell you how much your emails and comments mean to me. So many of you said that you would be praying for peace. That is exactly how I feel today: Peaceful and Thankful. Thank you for understanding and accepting my honesty. I have to admit that as soon as I pushed the 'publish post' button yesterday, I kind of wished I hadn't. I was truly embarrassed at how I was feeling, and felt really insecure about how people would react to it! But thank you for loving me anyways!

I am still having a hard time understanding what is going on, but I am confident that God has shown himself strong! He showed up in our time of need! In writing about how I was feeling last night, really wrestling with the conflicting feelings that I was having... I just felt loved. Although I was completely alone, I felt Jesus surrounding me saying "It's OK to feel these things, I love you anyways."

I found out last night that there is a 5 and 6 year old class at church who specifically prayed for the baby and our family on Sunday. I was so touched. A sweet lady from my bible study is the teacher and was telling me how sweet, innocent, and totally faith-filled their prayers were. They totally believed that God was hearing what they were saying and that he would answer their prayers. Child-like faith, it is so sweet and I long to have it!

I cried last night, it's the first time I've cried since we found out something was not quite right... I'm not sure why, I was thankful, touched by all of you (and your children's) prayers for us, maybe a little scared and a lot overwhelmed.

If I may add one more prayer request to your list...as if you don't have enough! Pray for Grace... she is doing well, but I think that it is starting to get to her that I can't pick her up and hold her, and do things with her (outside of the house). She is having so much fun, getting one on one attention from someone all the time, but she's a little sad that I can't do the things she is used to. She is also 2 and trying to exert her independence, so we've been hearing a lot of "NO" and seeing more tantrums, but that's normal I guess. It's just hard for me to see because sometimes I feel like it's my fault.... she is just a little confused at all that is going on.

Thank you so much! We don't have any more appointments until next Thursday, so we won't know much more until then, so I'll probably just update when the mood strikes!

Good News and Complete Honesty...

Let me start by telling you about the ultrasound. We saw a different doctor today, one that we'd never seen before and that had not seen any of our previous scans. She was very nice, and claimed to be the "Scientific One" in the group. She briefly looked at the heart and said that she didn't see anything wrong with it. She said that there was no fluid present today and that the heart was well within the size limits for the chest. Today it was measuring only about 26% of the chest size and it is 'allowed' to occupy up to 33%. While we were in the hospital, it was obvious that the heart was taking up at almost half of the chest, although they didn't give us a percentage at that time. And the fluid was present and measuring around 3-3.5 mm. The doctors had also told us that the enlarged heart would not 'shrink' per say... that the baby would grow with it, but that once it's enlarged, it won't 'go back down' (for lack of a better phrase).

I hesitate to be totally honest here, but who am I kidding... I have a hard time sugar coating things, and I tend to just spill it... Anyways, I am a little ashamed to say that my first thought wasn't "PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS HEALED HER!" I was thinking a little more along the lines of "Doc, what is wrong with you? Are you crazy? Are you blowing us off? Did you go to med school?" I did ask if she would compare the scans that I had while in the hospital and the ones that I've had recently to see if there was indeed a difference. She said that she didn't have, and couldn't view the scans from the hospital, but based on what she'd seen here, she didn't think it was necessary. (This kind of annoyed me.)

I am having a hard time processing the news. When 2 doctors tells you that there is something wrong with your child's heart and that they are pretty concerned about it, and then all of a sudden, another doctor says there is nothing wrong... What am I am supposed to think? I was still processing that there was something wrong, but I had no idea that it would be this hard to process that she may be fine!

I am the kind of person who doesn't want to be let down. I like to think that I am prepared for things, good or bad. I don't like to be caught off guard or taken by surprise. And to be totally honest, I am AFRAID to totally believe that God healed her because I don't want to be let down if there actually is something wrong. Does that make sense? What if they see something totally different on Thursday when I go again? What if when she is born, her heart is indeed abnormal? Does that mean God didn't answer these prayers?

I wish I was full of 'holy wisdom' and had something profound to say... but I don't. I'm not sure what to ask for prayers for.... I am kind of embarrassed at the way I am feeling. Anyways, I guess just pray as the Spirit leads you. I really don't want to sound ungrateful in any way for what God is doing. I guess I can't even fathom what's going on right now.

Thank you so much for your prayers... They really are making a difference in our lives!

What is going on...?????

Well, I couldn't think of another way to title the blog... because that phrase is all that's ringing in my head right now. What the heck is going on?

I've been frustrated by my ultrasounds for the past week because we really haven't been told anything... good or bad... about what the baby's looking like or what's going on with her. We have just been seeing the tech that does the ultrasound, and not one of the MFM doctors. I still haven't heard anything about my lab results from the hospital, and apparently the OB office doesn't know where they are either.... Remember, people, this was a KEY ingredient in figuring out if I should be induced, or if I should just be on bedrest until she comes on her own.

I just got a call from MFM saying that now we need to have consults with the MFM doctors after every ultrasound. In some ways this is a praise, because maybe they can tell us more what's going on... but on the other hand, I am worried that they've seen something more, or things are getting worse. I am not sure if someone dropped the ball and we should have been having consults all along, or if based on what they've seen on the last 4 ultrasounds, they now feel we need to be seen by the doctor twice a week.

I am so up in the air right now with my emotions..... At the moment, I am very frustrated and feel kind of helpless and in the dark...I have no idea what to feel one way or the other, and am just in an overall state of unrest.

I know that the devil is lurking around every corner to send frustration, doubt, discouragement and insecurity my way. I know in my head that I can resist the devil and he will flee from me...(James 4:7) but it's almost as if I don't have the strength to utter those words with conviction. I know that's just what Satan wants me to feel... so I'll say "Get behind me, Satan!"

I know in my head that I should not fear, that God is not in fear... God is with me, whom shall I fear? For me, all this uncertainty causes fear... if I had facts one way or the other, I feel like it would be easier for me to trust...that sounds silly, but for some reason that's how I think... maybe it's how we all think... it's so much easier to trust in something that is seen vs. something that is unseen...

I am just rambling here, forgive me. Let me try to get back on track here... This is something I read from the devotion book, "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman

"We often pray to be delivered from afflictions, and even trust God that we will be. But we do not pray for Him to make us what we should be while in the midst of the afflictions. Nor do we pray that we would be able to live within them, for however long they may last, in the complete awareness that we are held and sheltered by the Lord and can therefore continue within them without suffering any harm."

This opened my eyes. I haven't been praying that the Lord would make me a new person through this situation, I haven't been praying that I will live IN this situation in complete trust and awareness that I am HELD, and safe. My prayers (though somewhat few lately...) have been focused on getting OUT of this situation, one way or another.

If I believe that God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good... then I would truly be OK to rest in the situation where God has placed me. It is obviously His will for me to be in this very place for this very time... so why don't I pray for him to pour out His wisdom and truth on me in the midst of the mess? There may be so much I am missing by constantly trying to pray myself out of the situation.

The funny thing is that when I stop typing, look around the room, or think about talking to someone about this later, I am just fuming, frustrated and annoyed at what is going on... so even as I write these things, my mind is battling between believing what God is telling me and what Satan is telling me. Ahhhh!

I'm not really sure how to conclude, but again, thank you to everyone that is pouring into our family. It means the world to be surrounded and lifted up in prayer. Thank you for standing in the gap to pray these things for us when we are having a hard time praying them for ourselves. We have an OB appointment tomorrow and a MFM appointment on Thursday, so I'll update if anything changes... or simply when the mood strikes!

Humbled

We had another ultrasound this morning and there was no change that we could see. We didn't see a doctor, just the tech, so I am sure if there was any significant change, the Doc would call and let us know. They again tested her movements and breathing patterns. She didn't move much even after lots of poking and prodding, but from the breathing movements she was making, it seemed like she was asleep! I personally think it was a good thing that she slept right through all the stimulation, maybe this means she'll be laid back...and another good sleeper!

I've still been thinking a lot about HELP over the last few days. I found the words to the song we sang in church, so I will post those at the end (basically Psalm 121). Today I just feel humbled. You see, I come from a family of 'doers.' That's how I was raised...my mom and grandmother (especially) are always doing for others... to the detriment of themselves sometimes (which they would never elude to.) It is hard for us to simply accept help and blessing without feeling like we need to do something in return.

Ironically, this idea has been on my mind for the past few months... I remember having a conversation with my mom when she needed help a few months ago and it went something like this:
Mom: "No, I'm fine, I can really handle this, I don't need help."
Me: "Mom, no man is an island, we were not meant to go through life alone. That is what the body of Christ is for... we were made to help each other, when one falls, another can pick them up! And sometimes we just need to accept some help!"

She may not remember this conversation, but I just remember longing for her to KNOW that I wanted to help, that others wanted to help simply because we loved her and because we were called to do so. I wanted to convey to her that accepting a blessing is as pleasing to the Lord as blessing someone else.

So, now I am preaching this to myself! I am absolutely in awe and humbled at the number of people who have already brought us meals, who have signed up to do so, those who come over on a daily basis to help with Grace, and those who are offering up prayers on our behalf. So much of me wants to think of things to do to repay the favor. I am wracking my brain to figure out what I can do while either sitting or lying down to repay what people are doing for me.

Here we are back at just accepting the blessing..... All of these things are answered prayers from the Lord. I just need to get on my knees and start offering up some praise rather than try to figure out what I can do in return. I need help (that's hard for me to admit) and the Lord is providing, he is hearing and answering prayer through each of you!

Ecc. 4:9-12 (NLT) "Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. And on a cold night, two under the same blanket can gain warmth from each other. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken."

Thank you all for everything you are doing for our family! We appreciate it beyond what you can know! I know that there will be opportunities in the future for me to bless others, just as I have been blessed. So now I will just be thankful!

Here are the words to the song that is still running through my head. If you can find a good southern gospel version, it will rock your world... it's awesome...
Try this link: Ron & CeCe Winans and choir
It's a long version, but a good one....I'm not the most internet saavy, so if this link doesn't work, search on YouTube for "My Help Ron & CeCe Winans" and I'm sure it will come up!

My Help
I will lift up mine eyes to the hills
from whince cometh my help
my help cometh from the Lord,
the Lord who made heaven and earth.

He said he would not suffer thy foot,
thy foot to be moved
the Lord which keepeth thee
He will not slumber or sleep

Oh the Lord is thy keeper
the Lord is thy shade
upon thy right hand
upon thy right hand

No, the sun shall not smite thee by day,
nor the moon by night
He shall preserve my soul
even forevermore

chorus:
My help, my help, my help
cometh from the Lord

Thursday Morning....

We had another ultrasound this morning to check the heart again as well as do a movement test. They measured how much she moved as well as practiced her breathing in a certain amount of time. She scored an 8 out of 8... so that's great.

The MFM (Maternal Fetal Medical Doc) came in and said that the fluid around her heart has actually decreased from what it was yesterday and the day before. The heart is still enlarged, but the fluid is decreasing, which seems to be a good sign. This is also more evidence that the problem has been caused by some kind of infection or virus that I have come in contact with. No lab results yet, so they still don't know if I have a current virus or infection, there are so many things they are checking for that it could take a week or so to get it all back. If I do have an active infection shown by the blood work, they will probably induce to get the baby out of that environment.

We toured the NICU today and the nurse took us around to show us other babies that are around the same gestational age as our baby is now, she kind of told us what to expect when she is born and about her possible stay there. That NICU is so nice, brand new and the nurses seemed wonderful.

We are home now! Praise the Lord... but it's a little weird to be here and not be able to do anything... like pick up socks off the floor, take out the trash etc... but I guess I should take advantage of it! I am sure when the baby actually does come, I will be wishing I could go on bedrest...right?

I will have twice weekly ultrasounds with Maternal Fetal Med, and see the OB once a week. They want to follow the baby so closely so that if she does go into heart failure, or the heart's function decreases, or it continues to enlarge etc... we will be able to get her out as soon as possible.

We are just trusting God right now. There have been so many answered prayers thus far, and I know that the Lord will continue to amaze us. The hardest thing for me is that there are so many unknowns. I like to have my ducks in a row and know the possibility of certain things happening, or not happening... I like to research and find out all the possible causes, treatments and outcomes of certain situations. Maybe it's God's grace that even the doctors don't really know what's going on... It is forcing me to trust more fully in Him and not hang on every word the docs are saying. (which is what we should really do all the time, right?)

God has a plan for her life, knows her due date, knows exactly what is going on with her, and has had all her days recorded before time began...

Psalm 107:19-21
"Lord Help! They cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He spoke and they were HEALED- snatched from the door of death. Let them praise the Lord for His great love and for all his wonderful deeds to them."

How encouraging it is to know that just by speaking a word, God can heal. Why should we place our trust in anything else?

Thank all of you so much for all your prayers, love, food, and support. I could never express how much it means to us.

PS. you may get tired of my blogging...it won't hurt my feelings... it's just one of the only things I can do right now...just a warning, people!

Not much news...

Not much new news today... that's why I added a few pictures. I have been moved out of Labor and Delivery into the High Risk Antepartum unit... They took another ultrasound this morning and we haven't really heard anything new yet.
They did measure the baby's growth again today and today she measured 4 oz bigger than yesterday, so now 4 pounds 8 ounces... Maybe Jesus gave her some mana from heaven because Lord knows I wasn't allowed to eat anything....
I don't know if I mentioned this in the previous entry, but they also think that one of her feet, the right, I think may be slightly in-turned...similar to Grace's... (but much more mild). We aren't really worried about that, especially since Grace came out looking like some kind of amphibious creature and she is fine now...The heart is the bigger issue for us... But no news on that front yet.
I am not sure how much longer I will be here....Surely I'll get to go home tomorrow, but we'll see. If we hear anything from the doctor, we'll let you know. Just continue to pray for healing and God's guidance as to what the doctor's should do...

Grace is doing well, she is hanging out with Izze and Papa right now, she goes to school tomorrow... She has been over here every day at some point and is totally obsessed with going up to see the babies in the nursery with the 'tiny diapers.' If she's here at the hospital for 2 hours, she's got to go up there at least twice...it's cute. Today they let her ride on my lap in a wheel chair to see them. I think yesterday or the day before, she got to see a baby just wheeled in from birth getting his first bath... she was thrilled. Of course she thought it was so funny that he was "nakee."

We'll update with any new news!
Thank you so much!

Savior, He can move mountains.... He is mighty to save...

Well, we got some unexpected news this afternoon shortly after my last blog post. The Maternal Fetal Medical Doc (I think that's what he was)...came in with the nurse, very unexpectedly, and wanted to talk to us. Chris was not here, he had gone to pick up Grace from school, but luckily mom was here with me.

We had an ultrasound earlier today to measure the size of the baby (around 4 pounds 4 oz... good according to my OB doc, contrary to what we'd previously heard)... and during the procedure we noticed the lady taking a lot of time to look at the heart... The tech didn't mention anything about it, so we didn't worry.

The Doc came in and told us that he was concerned about the size of the baby's heart. He said that in relation to the size of the chest, it is enlarged. Since this was not present in the 20 week ultrasound, he suspects that I contracted an infection at some point and it caused the baby's heart to have to work harder...which in turn caused some enlarging.... It is working and pumping blood perfectly, and he is not worried about that... but the size is something to keep an eye on. (for all the medical gurus out there, this is my lay-mans explanation)

He feels like the preterm labor may be related to this... and said that sometimes a woman's body goes into labor if there is a problem or an infection....especially if there are no other risk factors for preterm labor and if any previous pregnancies have gone full term.

So, how do I feel about all this? Well, actually, I'm doing OK... Last night before the effects of the 'devil medicine' hit again I was replaying in my head, a song we sang at church Sunday... hence the title...
I don't know the proper way to credit the song, but I think it's from HillSong...
Here is the verse that has been in my head since Sunday:

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

The only thing that we can do right now is claim this! There is a little saying at Strong Tower: God is good ALL THE TIME... and ALL THE TIME God is good. I believe this... So I am really OK. Things are going to be well, and the Lord has already planned it all out...

Sunday we sang a song about needing help from the Lord....I can't remember the lyrics or I would post them... but Pastor just asked people to come up who needed help...for anything... that's really all of us.....big things, little things, we all need help...and He's ready and desires to help us. So I really have a peace...

They are going to do another ultrasound tomorrow to check things out again... if I don't have the baby tonight. We'll keep you posted.

Just pray that the Lord would heal anything that may be wrong with the baby's heart, that we would have a peace and that it would all be OK. You know, with God's medicine, there are no side effects! I'm DONE with side effects at this point...as you can imagine...

The only part I am really worried about is the actual labor... Just pushing and not knowing what will be on the other end...so to speak...Pray for peace with the actual delivery also, whenever that may be.

Thanks so much for interceding on our behalf!

Baby Burton Update

Most of you know that I am in L&D right now... I thought I'd post an update on what happened and what's going on now.

Chris and I came into triage on Sunday night (my birthday...lovely)... after my contractions at dinner were 3-5 min apart...After about 2 hours in triage I had dilated 3 cm...so I was in labor...

We checked in and I was given a steroid shot for the baby's lungs and hooked up to magnesium...aka "THE DEVIL DRUG." I thought I was dying... I was convulsing, sweating, I felt like by body was on fire from the inside out and your eyeballs kind of feel like they are swollen and crossed... it's awesome...This slowed the contractions, and I was hooked up for around 24 hours...

Last night I was given another shot of steroids for the baby's lungs...They did an ultrasound this morning and estimate that the baby weighs around 4 pounds 4 ounces...I am still in L&D because the contractions haven't really stopped, but hopefully will be moved to antepartum (sp) sometime today... and I will probably go home tomorrow.

The most awesome news is that I will be on bed rest for around 2-3 weeks... (KIDDING, PEOPLE!)..... This to me is similar to being put in jail... I mean, first of all... lest we not forget, my firstborn who has many needs that can't be met by sitting on my hiney in bed...And the fact that I can't physically stay in my house for more than half a day without having to go somewhere...or do something.... I am kind of ADHD for those of you who don't know...

Praise the Lord that I have great friends and family that are willing, ready and able to help and I know things will work out...but THIS. IS. GOING. TO. BE. REALLY. HARD.!

I'll update later if I can!

My dad, the supehero

Today we went to the zoo with some friends, it was a blast... but I'll get to that in a minute. I've got to tell a funny story about Grace... imagine that.

She and I stopped off at a thrift store on our way, as we were waiting in the check out line, I saw that they had some Predators schedules sitting on the counter. I picked one up and said:
"Grace, look! What's this?"
She took the schedule out of my hand and with a deep breath and her chest all poked out, she looked at the clerk and proudly said:
"MY DADDY DOES THAT....!!!!!"

The clerk thought that she meant that her daddy played for the team and said... "Oh, he plays for the Predators! Is he good?"

Grace responded before I could open my mouth to clarify...
"YEA, he's REALLY good. He's REALLY, REALLY good at Pred-ers..."

As my friend Katie reminded me later as I recounted the story to her: It begins early with girls... the mentality that THEIR daddy is the best and coolest and is REALLY good at everything. It was so cute to see her so proud as she told the clerk that HER daddy did that!

Anyways, back to the zoo.... This is officially the greatest place at the zoo for toddlers. This outdoor 'room' padded everywhere, and perfect for jumping and of course playing ring around the rosey!

I LOVE the pure joy on grace's face as she is about to fall down.

And of course, very fascinating to kids who are potty training... watching the elephant go pee-pee. To which, Corbin responded afterward..."Hey mom, now does he get a sucker?" The kid's a thinker....

Fall Back....?

Can I just vent for a moment. Yes, this may be related to the pregnancy hormones pumping through of my body... I can find a reason to bitch at almost anything right now... but humor me here...

What the heck is daylight savings time for (or excuse me, Daylight SNATCHING time)? I mean, I can understand why increasing the length of the day may save some sort of minuscule portion of energy, but when it comes to the winter months, don't we make up for the tiny amount of energy saved by blowing out our electric meters with all the lights we have to use because it's dark at 5pm....on a good day.... not to mention the amount of HEAT we have to use to warm up our houses that could be somewhat heated by the sun... if it were still out?

Come on people, as a nation, we would save more money if we just left the day long... think of all the people who go into depression this time of year, I am sure the suicide rate goes up, and the amount of children that are being abused goes up...all because the stupid day is too short to do anything with. Parents who want to enjoy a nice afternoon outside with their kids after nap CAN'T do so anymore... therefore the kids are whiny inside and the parents are ready to pull their hairs out one by one....which of course, leads to the beating I was referring to earlier.... Not to mention that those very children have woken up an hour earlier because of the blaring sun in their window at 5 freeking am! Not a good combination, folks....
(HUMOR, people, don't turn me in...)

OH, and how wonderful is it to be roused out of bed at such an ungodly hour by the blaring sunlight that is bellowing into YOUR window..... NOT so wonderful, mind you. Let's talk about how much more dangerous it is to drive in the dark than in the daylight... so the government is putting all of our hard working spouses at a greater risk of dying because they are driving home from work in complete darkness.... think of the number of accidents that could be prevented!

I am positive that the health of the nation deteriorates this time of year, because all those afternoon exercisers can't do so anymore unless clad in day-glow reflective material (which probably is radioactive and causes cancer) with a headlamp and several flashlights for safety. They don't want to be hit by a car... or mugged...depending on what part of town they live in. People eat more because they are depressed, they are more stressed because the day seems so much shorter and they have no time to get anything done... and their overall temperament goes down the crapper (as demonstrated by this blog entry).

Who's with me here? I think that we should petition for change...that sounded so political... but all I can say is whatever idiot came up with the 'Fall Back' concept was clearly in a state of altered consciousness when they decided this was a good idea.

I'll end the blog with a picture of the 31 week belly, since many of you have asked to see it. I mean, at least I have a reason to get fat this year......Now I need to go console myself with some candy corn and pretzels...maybe some chocolate pudding.....

Smart little 2 year old...

First of all, here are a couple of pictures from the wedding we attended this weekend. Mom and I did all the flowers, which was a blast, but a lot of work too! Everything was wonderful and beautiful! This is my gorgeous friend Jessica Cofer LaFoy...






And now for a little story about how smart a 2 year old can be.... Never under estimate what they know, or what they can do!
Grace has had a little cold... actually all of us have... but at night I give her a little Benadryl to help dry up her nose a little... Last night the medicine was lost... No where to be found. Chris and I looked high and low...upstairs and down, under the bed, and everywhere else we could think of. After an argument or 2 later and no luck, we gave up.
This entire time, Grace had been sitting on our bed snuggled up with all her Slammy's watching the whole thing. We asked her a couple of times where the Benadryl was... she'd say "Right in front of you!" Of course, this irritated us both immensely... so we stopped asking.
As a last resort, we put Grace on the floor and told her to go find the medicine.... She promptly walked over to this little cabinet beside Chris' closet, opened the door on the right side and pulled out the darn benadryl..... "Here it is Mama!"
Why had we not thought of this earlier? So all was well and Chris and I could have saved an argument or 2 if we'd just told her to go find it first....! Lesson learned. There could be a plethora of lost things in this house that she knows the exact location of.......

A little rant and a new door!

Ok, so you must forgive me for what I am about to rant about... some people may really love this place... but our experience was a little different. Each to his own, I guess.

Here goes....First, let me start out by saying that Saturdays have become precious in our household now that hockey season has begun.... we don't take them lightly, and we don't want to waste our time with Chris before he goes to work....Now for the rant...

This weekend we thought that Gentry's Farm might be a fun way to spend Saturday morning. Grace and I fight over what she'll wear, we get the wagon in the car and we are off. Driving up to the farm we see tons of people, which we expected, seeing that it is one of the last Saturdays before Halloween, no biggie. We park and load grace in the wagon and head to the entrance...

SIX DOLLARS PER PERSON... INCLUDING THE CHILD! Ummm... excuse me? That's EIGHTEEN dollars for our family. I suck it up and pay, thinking it will be worth it. Grace is all excited about seeing 'amimals' so we head in that direction first.... Ok, 3 goats, several pigeons and a turkey later, we are done with the animals.... WHAT? We saw more exciting animals on the way to the farm than we saw there!
(calm down, Jamie, there's more to do and see, I am sure...)

Next comes the corn barn... troughs and troughs of dried corn that the kids can play in.... sounds awesome...right?

Think again.... Grace was loving it for a few minutes and then out of the blue she is bombarded by BIG (think 7-9 year old boys) kids pushing her around and stealing toys right out of her hand.... Once this happened, and I handled it properly... " I'm sorry, she was playing with that, it's really RUDE to take things from little kids..." (The kid reluctantly gave the toy back)

Second time.... YES, a different kid, I grabbed the toy out of the boy's hand that he had just YANKED from Grace and gave him the 'box out' move so he couldn't go in for the second try.

Third time.... I almost lost it. This happened several more times before Grace was just done trying....and I was done with these little BRATS. Come on people, this is clearly an activity for toddlers and preschoolers... why are you allowing your HUGE, OBNOXIOUS BRATS for children bully the other kids to get toys....(which they shouldn't be playing with in the first place.) CALLING ALL PARENTS.... WHERE ARE YOU?

Clearly, this was a parental issue and didn't have anything to do with Gentry's Farm directly... but there started the downhill spiral...

There were a few more activities... but nothing terribly interesting, Grace was clearly frustrated and didn't really want to try anything else...BUT there wasn't really anything else to capture her attention.... and I paid how much? Oh, that's right.... EIGHTEEN DOLLARS!

At this point, we'd been there around 30 minutes or so and we were all ready to go. The cheapness in me wouldn't give in and we tried walking around some more. NOPE... grace started having a meltdown and there was nothing we could do... We left after about an hour... with a child who could not be consoled.

Let me compare this with the trip we had last year to Walden Farm in Smyrna. First of all, it's FREE... there are REAL animals, baby animals, mama animals, TONS of activities, and the kids (who were one year YOUNGER) loved it. It was so worth the drive... and I would recommend it 1000 times more than Gentry. I don't think I'll ever go back there.

Let me give a little disclaimer... I do appreciate that Gentry's farm seemed to have more of a 'christian' theme, and nothing scary and traditionally "haloween," but that's about all. Also, let me say, Walden didn't have anything scary either...

Ok, I am also going to post pictures of my favorite new addition to our household... A DOOR! Yes, a door... well, actually, the storage that is opened up behind it. Sunday my dad graciously agreed to help us cut a hole in the wall in the play room and build a door, instantly opening up more storage! This is so exciting to me, because I am about to have an anxiety attack for our lack of even a coat closet! I love hiding our JUNK!

One happy moment before the breakdown

Playing in the corn bin between mean kid episodes...Riding the tractor
The door, unframed, but beautiful non the less

A peek at the storage I will have!

More funnies from the monitor...

Right now, here is a little excerpt of what I am hearing...it's kind of hard to type when I am laughing so hard...

ABC song: Grace's rendition:
ABCDEFG...HIJK...LMNaP.....QRST and V...double-oooooo, XY and ZZZZZZZZ!

BINGO song...
(background: this is how we taught her how to spell her name...and other names that fit into the rhythm...

G-R-A-C-E, G-R-A-C-E, G-R-A-C-E.... name-oooooo

"what bout Izze?" (talking to herself, of course...)
G-R-izze, G-R-izze .....izze name-ooo

"what bout mommy?"
G-R-M-M-E, G-R-M-M-E.....mommy name-ooo.

"what bout papa?"
G-R-papa.... G-R- papa... nuts! HeHeHe...

"what bout LeLe?
(she fizzled out with this one...)


And I am sure she was thinking of 5 little monkeys with this conversation:
"No LeLe's jump bed.... silly LeLe's....go to torner (corner)... gacie (gracie) call doctor say No No No... to time out!"

(And she's never gone to time out for jumping on the bed before, simply because this was one of the things we needed to work on for her therapy... jumping and walking on uneven surfaces, and the bed is perfect... so she's learned a bad habit... for a good cause... ankle strength! I guess she's asserting her independence and dominance over LeLe's...Who knows...)

One more funny story from today... just so I'll remember it in the future:
We had to go look for shoes today, something besides crocs that is... This activity is similar to going to the doctor for Grace... she HATES it and will scream and throw a fit... it's awful. I guess she's got bad memories from all the doctor's appointments, etc... that involved her feet earlier in life... But either way, it's torture, for both of us.

She'd been really good (I guess all behavior is relative, probably to someone else, she looked like a complete terror) and I'd gotten her to try on 3 pairs of tennis shoes...At that point, she was trying really hard not to loose it... (as was I) and she said:
"Mama, Gacie feet Ok... no cold, no stinky, no dirty, no be ugly.... go look sometin' else... new dress..."

I almost died.... It was like she was trying to think of any reason her little mind could come up with that she shouldn't have to try on any more shoes....she even went so far as to say that her feet were not being ugly.... She is really clever, that one...

Oh, what a morning...!

Grace woke up this morning around 6:15 coughing ... I left her in there until around 6:45, and when I finally went to get her, fearing the worst... she jumped up in her bed and said "SCHOOL MOMMY! YEA SCHOOL!" She wasn't stuffy at all, just a little dry throat I guess. She was in the greatest mood and wanted to get dressed right away although we had another hour before we had to get ready.

So, with Grace and Chris out the door, I decide to take a walk before the 'green' cleaners came to clean the carpets...It's so nice outside, fall is in the air, and I love this weather. It even smells a little like crisp leaves. Well, about half way through the walk something started hitting me... It was small and wet and kind of like little drops or something... When I wised up and realized that this was actually RAIN, I prayed that it wouldn't get too heavy until I got home.... another 2 miles later...after all, I was carrying my phone (for safety) and didn't want it to get ruined in the rain...
What is a 6 1/2 months pregnant woman to do when the life of her phone is on the line...? RUN! Yes, that's right folks, I ran, and ran.... about a mile, maybe a mile and a half...in the pouring rain... I had tucked the phone into my bra... which is the logical thing to do, hoping my gazoongas would somewhat protect it from the rain...
I am somewhat proud to say that was still able to run a mile and a half; but thankfully after that long, the rain slowed up to just a drop here and there...and I was able to briskly walk the rest of the way.
Let me tell you, the looks I was getting by the few that passed me were hilarious.... I had a few lookey-loos who got all the way over to the other side of the road and slowed waaaay down and just watched in amazement...Even a little doggy decided that I should not endure that humiliation alone, and decided to trot along side me until I stopped running.

Oh, folks, the story isn't over. I checked the clock and it was about 8:55am when I got home. The carpet cleaners were not supposed to be here until 9:30, and since I was soaking wet and stinky, I thought I'd take a quick shower before they arrived. I am in the shower and hear something....sounds like knocking....but it couldn't be... no service company arrives early... more knocking... What could I do...?

I turned off the shower, conditioner still in hair... and grabbed a t-shirt and my robe, wrapped up and ran to the door. If they were to leave, I'd have to pay another 'gas' fee for them to come back out. You all know how cheap I am, and I figure a little more humiliation for the day was well worth the extra fee.

I open the front door, and the poor man doesn't know what to say.... He politely says, "Hi! This the right house?"
"Oh, yea, you've come to the right place... weren't you supposed to be here at 9:30?"
"I don't know, I guess I just got here a little early... Do you want me to start cleaning the carpets...?"
"Of course...! Come on in... I'll be upstairs if you need me."

I crawl up the stairs a little embarrassed, laughing to myself and chalk it up to "just one of those mornings..."

I've been tagged... I think that's the word...

So my friend Katie 'tagged' me. I have to fill out these questions and post them on my blog. I am not sure if I am supposed to tag anyone else or not... but since most of my friends haven't entered the blogging world, I may have to skip that part.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
About 7:30am... VERY unusual... Grace usually sleeps until at least 8:30 or later (if not a school day)

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds…of course.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
I can't sit through one...I am serious...It's like torture. At least watching at home, I can get up and do stuff

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Private Practice... I have a slight crush on Taye Diggs

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?

Usually always cereal... and I like to mix 2 different kinds in each bowl... I know, weird.

6. What is your middle name?
Amanda

7. What food do you dislike?
Sushi, any kind of fish, real ice cream (I like fro yo)

8. What is your favorite CD at moment?
Don't remember what listening to a CD of my own is like...

9. What kind of car do you drive?
Nissan Pathfinder

10. Favorite Sandwich?
veggie

11. What characteristic do you despise?
Depends on the day... I know, that's bad...

12. Favorite item of clothing?
PJ's...sweats... you know, anything clean and comfortable

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Australia, Aruba, Tahiti

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
Anything that I can find cheap at The Goodwill

15. Where would you retire to?
Probably love to have a house on the beach

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?

I can't really remember my last few birthdays, when you have kids, do you really even celebrate birthday's anymore?

17. Favorite sport to watch?
Football- College

18. When is your birthday?
Nov. 16, 1980

19. Are you a morning person or night?
NIGHT

20. What is your shoe size?
8.5 or 9

21. Pets?
I am a cat person, and we had 2 really awesome cats, but had to find them a new home because I really didn't want 2 kids and 2 cats...

22. Any new and exciting news you would like to share with us???
Nope, not really

23. What did you want to be when you were little?
Marine Biologist

24. How are you today?
Sleepy, Tired, Hungry...

25. What is your favorite candy?
Anything that is not chocolate... like sweet-tarts, starburst, skittles, candy corn etc...

26. What is your favorite flower?
I love gerbera daisys and orchids

27. What is a day on your calendar you are looking forward to?
Anytime in Dec when this baby wants to make me not pregnant anymore...

28. What is your full name?
I'm taking the hint from Michelle and not posting the full name here...

29. What are you listening to right now?
The sweet, sweet sound of silence...

30. What was the last thing you ate?
A really yummy quesadilla that Katie made

31. Do you wish on stars?
Grace and I like to count them...

32. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
Grass Green

33. How is the weather right now?
sunny and still warmer than I’d like it to be.... I love rainy days

34. The first person you spoke to on the phone today?
Chris

35. Favorite soft drink?
Dr Pepper hands down... nice and cold... with a straw.... yum.

36. Favorite Restaurant?
Probably Wolfgang Puck's although I do love a good Japanese Steak House

37. Real Hair Color?
light brown

38. What was your favorite toy as a child?
LeMutt... my little stuffed dog that I loved and slept with every night

39. Summer or winter?
Summer, unless pregnant, then winter.

40. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs

41. Chocolate or vanilla?

Depends on the mood

42. Coffee or tea?
A good sweet tea, and sometimes Hot Chocolate with a bit of coffee in it...does that count as coffee?

43. When was the last time you cried?
Maybe a couple weeks ago....I'm not much of a crier

44. What is under your bed?
A tupperware of wrapping paper, and a few random sippy cups

45. What did you do last night?
Went to "Old Lady" (what grace has started calling Old Navy... don't know why... she can say Old Navy well, it's her favorite store...) and DSW to look or hubby shoes

46. What are you afraid of?
Teenage Girls, spiders, snakes, being alone at night (sometimes)

47. Salty or sweet?
Both...Together... Like Candy Corn and Pretzles (my favorite thing to eat) Frosty and Fries, cheese crackers and chocolate pudding...(Ok, maybe that's a weird pregnancy thing)

48. How many keys on your key ring?
Am I really supposed to know that?

49. How many years at your current job?
2 years 1 month

50. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday when Chris isn't working...

51. How many places have you lived in?
3: Nashville, Knoxville, Franklin

Random pictures and the bird cage

This is one of Grace's current favorite activities. She loves going to the park with friends and throwing rocks off the bridge into the Harpeth River. What could be more fun to a two year old?

Love the Glasses... Upside down, they just work better.

Our friends Mac and Emily

Here is the bird cage I made on Tuesday...I think that the baby's room is going to have a 'bird' theme (grace's is similar also). I saw this idea on another blog: Pretty Ditty and thought it was adorable. They also sell one at Anthropologie for $198! I love it! I may make another one with vintage fabrics. We'll see...!

Also, I would like everyone to notice what Grace is 'showing' you in the above picture... She has started eating steamed carrots again! YEA! I have to disguise veggies usually, but the other night I made some carrots along with steamed zucchini and spaghetti with tomato sauce (which included extra veggies) She ate everything on her plate and asked for more carrots as well as some in her 'school lunch.' Now she'll eat cucumbers, carrots, zucchini, sweet potatoes (cut to look like fries), and sometimes potatoes.... Everything else I disguise, but she also loves tomato sauce, and that's good!

I saw Jesus in Wal-Mart today...

Doesn't this seem like an oxymoron? Jesus...Walmart.... not so similar...usually when I think of Walmart, I tend to think more along the lines of the devil, lakes of fire, you know, all those awful things.... Well, that's for another blog... But today I saw Jesus...Here's the story:

Grace had her 2 year check up this morning, and for Grace that's more like saying "today you will be dropped straight into the pit of hell." I am not exaggerating here... She is so afraid of the doctor, it's a little unnerving. Even after standing on she scale, she is shaking uncontrollably and burying her head into my shoulder crying. It's awful. (And yes, we have a VERY nice doctor!)

So after weighing, measuring, listening to the lungs, heart...all those normal things...I decided it would be best for them to give her a flu shot. Now that she is in preschool, I figured that a little more screaming would be better than 7-10 days of the plague. The shot was little and over within seconds, but Grace was DONE... she ripped off the band-aid, threw it on the floor, blood was squirting out of her leg, and she almost puked. We finally exited with a Dora sticker... little consolation for what she'd just endured...and headed for the car.

Since she was still bleeding, and wearing a white dress, I told her that we could run into Walmart to get some "Nemopes" band-aids and some lunch to take over to Corbin's house. At this point, the crying had stopped and she was planning all that she and Corbin would do when she got there.

We found the "Nemopes" band-aids relatively quickly and started the long haul over to the grocery section of the store.... (part of the problem with Walmart)...Being 6 months pregnant, I don't really want or NEED to carry a 36 pound toddler around all day long, so I am trying to refrain as much as possible. When we enter every store, Grace gets a choice, walk or ride... usually she says walk. Today was no different.

Something happened between the band-aid aisle and aisle 10, all of a sudden Grace is screaming "Leg Hurt" and throwing herself on the floor. Face down on the linoleum of WALMART, tasting whatever has been on the bottom of everyone else's shoes.

I know my kid, and I know that she can manipulate, and she is very smart. This wasn't a legitimate pain in the leg, this was a fit because she didn't want to walk. Being the genius that I am, I hadn't thought to push a basket along just in case something like this occurred, and you know Walmart... baskets are about a mile away. I had already laid down the law, "Mommy can not carry you, you will have to walk or ride in a basket." If I go back on things like that, I have literally shot myself in the foot. I am now wondering how on earth I am going to leave this store with my toddler.... I am NOT picking the child up.

So here I am, in the middle of a busy aisle, a screaming toddler eating linoleum, and me, on the floor asking her to get up and stop throwing a fit. 5 minutes elapse, same scenario....I won't give in, so I just continue talking to her in a relatively calm voice, so as not to escalate the noise that she is making already.....2 more minutes.... I get up and walk to the end of the aisle and peek around to the other side... There is an empty basket! I swear, it wasn't there before.... I get the basket, get on my knees and explain to Grace that she has lost her choice to walk and that I was putting her in the basket because we had to leave.

While all of the above was occurring, several (hundred) people walked by me, but I noticed one lady in particular pushing a 1 year old who is quietly sitting in his stroller. When she walked by I remember thinking to myself "Crap, I know she is taking notes on what NOT to do with a kid in the middle of the store... I know she thinks I am the worst mom...I am so embarrassed..."

After I had gotten Grace into the basket, screaming has only gotten louder, we make our way to the grocery section to pick up lunch. The same lady comes by again. She turns to me and says:
"I just want you to know that you are an inspiration to me. You are so patient and calm, and I admire that so much. I can't even bring my 3 year old into a store, I give in to her all the time...You are doing such a great job."

I almost started to cry... I wanted to say... "Are you serious... 6 months pregnant, wearing God knows what, without a shower, on the floor of Walmart with a screaming toddler that I can't control...?"

She was Jesus to me today. She didn't have to say anything, she didn't have to notice...and she thought that what I was doing was admirable? She walked away and I really felt like she was Jesus reminding me that I am doing OK, that He has equipped me for this, even if I don't feel like it or realize it. I can get into a habit of talking down to myself especially when MY kid is the one making a scene. "You are not a good mother, YOUR mother would have been able to handle this situation correctly, if you could only do this or that better, Grace would be more well behaved... etc" Every mom knows the routine and the thoughts that Satan whispers to you. I even trick myself into thinking those things are the Holy Spirit trying to 'convict' my soul.

That precious woman reminded me that it's just not true. Jesus is trying to whisper words of encouragement and restoration to my soul...I probably won't ever see her again, but she was Jesus to me today.

I know I am not doing everything perfectly and I simply can't... but there is grace for that and Jesus is FOR me and He loves me and He thinks I am a good mom.

Proverbs 18:4 "A person's words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook."

Old MacDonald had a poop....

Overheard from the monitor while grace was trying to fall asleep for nap:

"Old MacDonald had a poopoo.....
Ohhhhh.....
Poop in there.....

Old MacDonald had a farm
E-O-E-O"

Not sure if this means SHE has a poop, but I don't think I'll risk getting her out of the bed to check...If it's bad enough, she'll cry...instead of singing about it.

Conversations with Grace

Edit to add one more:

As Grace is flipping through my Bible:

Me: Are you reading about Jesus?

Grace: Yes!

Grace: Jesus loves me

Me: yes, he does (proceed to sing the song)

Grace: (still flipping) Ooohhhhh, there's Jesus!

Me: Where?

Grace: Right there, right there, right there....etc. (pointing to every page)


Here are a couple of the conversations I've had with Grace over the last few days. I thought I'd write them down because my mind is so crazy these days that I can't remember what I ate for dinner last night. In the event that it doesn't come back, at least I'll have written down some of the funny things Grace says.

In the parking lot walking out of the gym:

Grace: gym fun! Gracie color mama picture

me: do you want to go home now?

Grace: Nope, play more...

me: do you want to go shopping or go home?

Grace: shopping, thank you though...No home yet

(she hasn't really gotten the meaning of thank you though... but it's cute when she uses it wrong..)


The following conversation takes place as she is waking up from nap:

Grace: Hey mama!

me: Hey Grace! Sleep good?

Grace: Sleep good.

Grace:Ooooh-weeee Soakin' wet!

me: Are you soaking wet?

Grace: Little turd in there...

me: Do you have poopy in your diaper?

Grace: Nope, just a little poop ball in there...

me: Oh, Ok, let's get that cleaned up

Grace: Ooooohhh-Weeee Stinky!

(she actually hadn't pooped... so I don't know what this conversation was about)

Conversation before lunch:

me: Grace, what do you want to eat for lunch? Maybe a ham sandwich?

Grace: Oh, thank you though! Yep.

me: Do you want an apple too?

Grace: Ooohhh sure, thank you though!

me: How about some cheese?

Grace: Nope.

me: Ok, I'm going to make you a sandwich

Grace: Oh, thank you mama!

Grace: tootumbers too...

me: Kaaaaayyyyy, cucumbers too.

Takes place after she's launched her snack at me:

me: Grace, that was not very nice. You need to go to time out right now!

Grace: Noooooooo time out!

me: Yes, you will go to time out, I don't like it when you throw your snack at me!

Grace: Noooo time out... Snuggle mama....Snuggle mama

me: It's not time to snuggle mama, you need to go to time out ( I proceed to take her over to the corner. At this point she has the death grip around my neck with her arms and around my waist with her legs)

Grace: so sorry mama, snuggle, no time out....

me:( At that point, what was I to do... I know, a good mom would have put the kid in time out and walked away... but I accepted her apology and then we went on with our day. Ok, she manipulated me... I know it. )

Conversation before bed:

me: Grace, you get to go to school tomorrow!

Grace: Cuuuuulllllllll (Cool)

me: Do you want ham and cheese in your lunch?

Grace: Sure, Kaaaayyyyy. Applesauce too, Cheese too, Chips too...

me: Ok, sounds good. Do you want to read your book about school?

Grace: Cuuuullllll (Cool), Kaaaayyyy. Gracie fall down at school (falling down is a good thing, she loves it) Slide? Play blocks, share blocks... snack... Mama come pick you up....

me: Exactly, you can do all those fun things and then mama comes to pick you up after you wake up from nap!

Grace: Kaaayyyy, Gracie sleep on mat, snuggle leelee's, mama come get you...

me: do you like school?

Grace: like school, school fun...

me: Do you color at school?

Grace: No have colors at school (they do, so I don't know why she says this)

me: Oh, ok, maybe we should brush our teeth and get ready for bed.

Grace: Kaaayyyy, brush teef, snuggle leelee's, go to bed. Thank you mama....

(She is such a thankful child... don't know if she really means it, but she loves to say it!)

The Magical Birthday Dress

This is the magical birthday dress.

Apparently, everyone should have one because if you do.... every time you wear it, you get a party! Just the sheer act of putting it on, magically organizes, pays for and warrants a party! So for all of you out there who are jealous... too bad, because Grace won't take the dress off.

Today we got together with some friends and had a play date party for grace's birthday. It was so much fun! The second I asked Grace what she wanted to wear this morning, of course, it was the birthday dress. My conclusion is that she fully believes that this dress is solely responsible for the party! Every time she's worn it lately, she's gotten a birthday celebration... and naturally, who would want to take a dress like that off?
After all her friends left today we went upstairs to get ready for nap and she got a new diaper, but was desperately holding onto the collar of her dress. I thought it was hurting her or itching or something, so I sat her up and got out a t-shirt for her to sleep in. Immediately, the world ended. "Gracie dress, Gracie birthday dress! No take off! Gracie dress, mine! More birthday dress! More party!" The last phrase says it all.... "More dress, More party... duh Mom... Don't you know that for as long as I wear the dress people will bring me gifts and I will get special cookies and friends will come over! Why would I want to take it off... are you dumb?"
Right now, Grace is sleeping in the dress and I feel confident that she will wear it tonight and maybe even for a few more days... I think the only thing that will incline her to remove it would be if her diaper leaked and she accidentally got pee on it. Who likes to sit in a pee pee dress...?
Here are a few pictures of the party. I didn't get that many, so here's what I have! Thanks to everyone who came over! We had fun!
PS. I don't know what's up with the size of the font....

What to do while your toddler is at preschool?

Today is Grace's 2nd day of Preschool. Since I am officially a new woman today, I thought I'd give a little insight on what exactly it is I do while she's gone!
So, I wake up early... this is very rare, but I don't want to waste a minute of the day! I get Grace up around 7:15 or so, get her some breakfast and watch a few 'shows' with her in bed. We then pick out her clothes and shoes, and pack up, and she's off with Daddy.

It's then, I realize the sweetness in life and I take a deep breath. First I go to the gym, not worrying if they are going to call me to change a poopers in the middle of my workout.
A couple of times, I will admit, I found myself wondering if Grace was having a good day, feeling abandoned? Feeling safe? Are her teachers being nice to her? Is she being nice to the other kids? etc...
Then it's off to Home Depot to get the primer and paint so that I can start painting a new bookshelf for Grace's room. Once home, I prepare my workspace, which is a crucial step that usually gets overlooked with a toddler at home...I then begin to prime the shelf. 30 minutes later I am done and need to wait for it to dry. It's at this point in the day when I wonder to myself why I hadn't put Grace in preschool earlier...?

Next, I start on some laundry, throw in a load, and put some clothes away, and Yes, I did hang the ones that go into the closet. Then I start scrubbing our bathroom floor, which hasn't been done in a while, start on the tub, toilet, mirror, and mind you, I even scrubbed the shower walls!

Vacuuming is next on the list, so I carry it upstairs, vacuum the floor, under the bed, vacuum left over cat hair off our dust ruffle, the hallway, Grace's room and the guest room.. which we barely use anyways....

I organize some of Grace's drawers, put her clothes away and start back downstairs when I notice some dust on the pictures hanging on the wall. So, what is a free woman to do??? Dust them of course! I then got carried away and dusted everything in our room and then made the bed. Now, you have to know something about me: I don't consider making the bed a necessary activity and sometimes think it's kind of useless because you are going to 'unmake' it and get in a few hours later anyways...But today, the bed was made!

The downstairs needed a little attention, so I put away some clutter, washed the windows in the kitchen, which hasn't been done since we moved here, and put some dishes away.

Now I remember that there is a children's boutique sale going on at Graceworks Thrift Store and I take off to see what bargains I can find.... You see, this is awesome, because sometimes boutiques donate their inventory to the thrift store, and you can get brand new stuff, which is adorable for thrift store prices! I found 3 really adorable dresses that came with matching sweaters and shirts, 1 for Grace and 2 for the new baby.

I am back home now and have eaten lunch, taken a little time to blog, and am about to put another coat of paint on the bookshelf...

It's not even 1 o'clock yet and 2 more loads of laundry are done, dinner is started, the kitchen is fairly clean, and I am sitting down to enjoy a cup of coffee and some quiet time before I pick grace up from school at 3pm!

To say that I feel like a new woman is an understatement! I really do enjoy Grace more, I'm so happy to go pick her up, she's happy to see me and it's like I have a whole new outlook on parenting just by having 2 days to myself during the week. I am more patient, kind, less easily frustrated, and my fuse is much longer with my dear darling...I know, this is only day 2 of preschool, but it's already made a huge difference! WOW...it's well worth the money for sure.

I will post a link (If I can figure that one out) that shows you Grace's new school, and all it has to offer! I am so thankful she was able to get in, it's such a neat place, and I know that she'll learn so much about not only her numbers and colors, but also her fellow man (or toddler, in this case). Not every kid looks like her, not every kid acts like her, not every kid can do the things she can, and it's so important to instill in her that all this is OK! Differences are not to be gawked at, but embraced and rejoiced in! I hope that even at 2, she will learn to appreciate all kinds of people!

Ok, here is my attempt at posting a link:
High Hopes Inclusive Preschool

If the link works, you'll be taken to their website, and if you scroll down there is a video there that tells you all about it. It's so sweet!

Anyways, that's what I did while my toddler was at preschool!